Jingle Bells My Precious and other songs
by Magic Kaito
Summary: This is now a collection of Christmas Carol parodies I made about Lord of the Rings. Please R&R! I'm open for ideas, too!
1. Jingle Bells My Precious

Jingle Bells (My Precious)  
  
AN: I wrote this about... four years ago. Or was it five? I read Lord of the Rings five years ago (so I don't own it), the back story was then... must have been five! I was quite a brilliant seventh grader, really. First off, you need to know where this parody came from so READ THIS SECTION please.  
  
That summer before seventh grade, my sister was reading me Lord of the Rings (she's weird, what was I supposed to do anyway? She would have forced me to let her do it), and at the same time, one of my friends, who had all ready read it and loved it (we'll just call her Legolas since that was her favorite), was getting ready to move and we were hanging out and stuff. Eariler she had copied our family's tape versions of the animated movies (I have them all on DVD now, though) and we were making this insane tape and we wanted to sing the "Where There's a Whip" song on it. It's this one in the Return of the King animated version. Man, it's such a bad movie! The Hobbit is the only worthwhile one in the animated versions, by the way.  
  
Anyway, getting back on track (sorry I rant so much), we had to fast forward through that version of The Hobbit to get to it, and as it was fast forwarding, I decided to make things more interesting by talking for the characters. If only the live movies had been out by then, I can do that Gollum perfectly. I say that because it had gotten to the Riddles in the Dark scene and I was doing pretty well and there's this one point where these unseen people sing one of the riddles, so I kept having Gollum say "I'm going to sing a pretty song!" and when it finally got there, all I could get out in the fast forward was "Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!"  
  
Following that, Gollum asked Bilbo what he thought of the song (there's references to this in my parody, that's why I'm telling you). Bilbo was like "Well, it's okay..." and Gollum preceeded to freak out because, "You don't like my song?!" Legolas thought this was completely hilarious so I kept it up throughtout the rest of the scene and after Bilbo escaped, Gollum was upset not because of the loss of his precious, but because "he didn't like my song!" So, I made it a full song about the life of everyone's favorite tortured hobbit. The start of verse 4 is a little out of sync story wise cause I misunderstood it when I first wrote this and it was incredibly hard to fix it, so bear with me. Hope you enjoy it! And I hope you liked the back story as much as I do! Oh, I don't own Jingle Bells either. Does someone have the rights to that like the Happy Birhtday song (which is why you never hear it on TV)?  
  
Verse 1:  
  
Dashing through the fields with a gold ring in my hand  
  
I just strangled my friend and hid him in the land  
  
Today is my birthday, it's unquestionable  
  
And I find if I wear the ring I am invisible!  
  
Chorus 1:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to hide under the Misty Mountains, hey!  
  
Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to hide under the Misty Mountains!  
  
Verse 2:  
  
I've had it for a while, I call it "my precious"  
  
I don't call myself "me", instead, I call me "us"  
  
A hobbits in my cave, so I began to sing  
  
He didn't like my song and then I learned he took my ring!  
  
Chorus 2:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to chase a theif in the Misty Mountains, hey!  
  
Jingle bell, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to chase a theif in the Misty Mountains!  
  
Verse 3:  
  
I went down to Mordor where Sauron captured me  
  
He questioned and tortured me until he set me free  
  
Then Aragorn found me, to the Wood Elves I was took  
  
Then orcs helped me escape and so I ran back in the book!  
  
Chorus 3:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to run out of Mirkwood Forest, hey!  
  
Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to run out of Mirkwood Forest!  
  
Verse 4:  
  
Then* Gandalf he found me and then he made us tell  
  
The secrets of our past, which I had hid so well  
  
And then he let me go, a stupid thing to do  
  
Because I want my precious back from Bilbo or Frodo  
  
Chorus 4:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
I never said I would rhyme every verse, so please don't change pronunciaton, hey!  
  
Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
I never said I would rhyme every verse, so please don't change pronunciation!  
  
Verse 5:  
  
That Fellowship of the Ring, they make me feel all blah  
  
I guess I'll follow them, I start in Moria  
  
They then met nasssty elves inside Lothlorien  
  
Those elves chased me around in there, it really was not fun!  
  
Chorus 5:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh it burns and bites and freezes to get tied by elven rope, hey!  
  
Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh it burns and bites and freezes to get tied by elven rope!  
  
Verse 6:  
  
The Fellowship split up! I will follow Frodo.  
  
Will his nasssty servant stop me? That answer I don't know  
  
I must act very nice, though I want the ring back  
  
I'll lead them into Shelob's lair outside the land of black!  
  
Chorus 6:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
I'll go after Sam Gamgee while Shelob gets Frodo, hey!  
  
Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
I'll go after Sam Gamgee while Shelob gets Frodo!  
  
Verse 7:  
  
The hobbits got away! I followed them to Mount Doom  
  
The ring made Frodo mad inside the crack's room  
  
I bit off his finger and the ring because he attacked us**  
  
And then I stepped a little too far, my last word was "precious"  
  
Chorus 7:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to pass away with my precious, hey!  
  
Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to pass away with my precious!  
  
Verse 8:  
  
My story, it is done. My part, it has been played  
  
Though my very sudden death just could have been delayed  
  
But I am still a live, a character I am  
  
In fact, I'm in earlier chapters, even without Frodo and Sam!  
  
Chorus 8:  
  
Oh jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to be sort of an immortal, hey!  
  
Jingle bells, my precious, jingle all the way!  
  
Oh what fun it is to be sort of an immortal, hey!!!  
  
*- This is where I goofed. The way I have it is the original, but to make it correct, "then" can be replaced with "back there". I misunderstood Gandalf when he was talking about his meeting with Gollum at first. Oh well, I'm an idiot!  
  
**- This was intended to be worded as thus because even though it's not exactly true, Gollum would have probably tried to defend himself in this case. Well, that's what I thought when I wrote it, at least!  
  
AN: That's it! What'd ya think? Really? I don't do much for Lord of the Rings since it's all ready written and everything and I can't think of what else could be done with it, but it is by far my favorite story of all time. Also The Hobbit, which is NOT the prelude to Lord of the Rings, the triolgy is the sequel! I hate my OCD! I actually was doing a LOTR/ Dragonball Z thing mostly to make fun of the latter, but it's in reparation state, so if you want more Tolkien stuff from me, you'll probably have to keep your eyes open for that. Or, if you have an idea for a Tolkien fanfic that you think I should write (though since this is my first and it's a song you don't know much about my style) tell me cause I think it'd be fun to do one! Oh well, more stories to write, so little time! Namarie! 


	2. God Rest Ye, Merry Brandybuck

AN: Remember me? ...lol, I doubt it! I just remembered another one of my parodies that I'd like to share with you! It's very short, so I decided to just add it onto my one from last year and maybe turn this into a collection of parodies! However, I can't remember any of my old ones, so if there's a certain song you'd like to see Lord of the Rings-itized, let me know! I can usually throw a parody together in a matter of minutes, so this shouldn't go too long between updates if you actually want me to do it! Keep in mind I won't do a song more than once, and I all ready have a parody to "The Christmas Song (Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)" on a separate story file (it's called "The New Years Song"). And now... Wait, I don't know Lord of the Rings. The rights at least, I own a lot of stuff for it though, lol. Nor do I own "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" (just making sure...)

* * *

God rest ye, Merry Brandybuck 

Let nothing you dismay

Remember Frodo, your savior

Was born on Bilbo's birthday

To save us all from Sauron's power

When he had gone astray

Oh tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy

Oh tidings of comfort and joy

* * *

AN: I said it was short... Oh well, review and let me know if you have any other Christmas carol ideas please! 


	3. 12 Days of Lord of the Rings

AN: Well, Mountain Bluebird asked for it! And yes, my second song isn't nearly as good as my first, but it makes me giggle... Of course, the New Year's Song is very good, in my opinion, as well. You should check it out. And the link wouldn't come up so... Oh well! Anyway, now for The 12 Days of Christmas, which I don't own, Lord of the Rings style, which I don't own either! You know, back in the day when I made a ton of these (and then lost them all, I can only remember the three I have posted), I probably did this all ready. In fact, I'm sure I did, lines keep coming back to me! But I'm older and wiser now, so let's see how this turns out!

* * *

-On the first day of Christmas my precious gave to me 

The One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the second day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the third day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the fourth day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the fifth day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the sixth day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Six chunks of lembas

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the seventh day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Seven palantiri

Six chunks of lembas

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the eight day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Eight pipeweed pouches

Seven palantiri

Six chunks of lembas

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the ninth day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Nine Nazgul riding

Eight pipeweed pouches

Seven palantiri

Six chunks of lembas

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the tenth day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Ten dwarves a-mining

Nine Nazgul riding

Eight pipeweed pouches

Seven palantiri

Six chunks of lembas

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the eleventh day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Eleven horses running

Ten dwarves a-mining

Nine Nazgul riding

Eight pipeweed pouches

Seven palantiri

Six chunks of lembas

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

-On the twelfth day of Christmas my precious gave to me

Twelve Ents a-marching

Eleven horses running

Ten dwarves a-mining

Nine Nazgul riding

Eight pipeweed pouches

Seven palantiri

Six chunks of lembas

Five main hobbits

Four shiny swords

Three elven rings

Two white trees

And the One Ring in the Cracks of Doom

* * *

AN: Wow... That was annoying to type! But with my OCD, it had to be done like that... It probably could have been better, but my brain is in other places right now... Anyway, time to explain a few of my choices in case you're confused! Most are self explantatory, but here are the odd ones. "Two white trees"- I used this because the first one died and Aragorn found a second one. OMG, "The Return of the King" track just started playing on my computer... Anyway, "Four shiny swords"- well, they use swords, I needed a two syllable word in fron of it, and I've been reading 8-bit Theater way too much lately. So shoot me! "Five main hobbits"- I'm including Bilbo, the one who started it all! "Seven palantiri"- if you haven't read the books, it turns out that in the olds days there were actually seven palantirs (or palantiri) out there. As Gandalf said in the movie, not all of them were ever accounted for. I think there's more about that in The Simarilion, but I sadly have yet to read it. "Eight pipeweed pouches"- I wanted more hobbit stuff, and since Legolas was the only member of the Fellowship that didn't smoke, I thought this would be appropriate. "Elven horses running"- that's the best way I could fit Rohan in, as I'd gotten almost every other race or land in some way, shape, or form. Okay, I'm done now. 


End file.
